Breaking up is hard to do (and the song is right). But we can try to do it the best way we can without adding to the pain and distress that comes with saying goodbye to love.
No time is the best time to say it is over but aim for the right time and place to start the conversation, with minimal distractions and interruptions. This is ending because you need something more that is lacking in the relationship, use “I” statements and avoid blaming your partner. This is not the time to beat around the bush. Be direct but compassionate. Be honest but kind. Be fair and clear. Plan what will happen next. Do you need to leave and stay with friends or family? Do they need to leave? Be prepared and thoughtful on what may happen next. It will be tough for a while so get support, talk and grieve for the loss of the relationship and the dream you may have had for the future with your partner. make sure you are working on moving on in a healthy, respectful way. Don’t let the end of this relationship turn you into someone you and others won’t recognise. Maintain your dignity and integrity.
If you are leaving a violent relationship seek qualified support (eg -police, psychologist, G.P, domestic violence supports) on how to exit safely.
Stages of separation
Separation is a major step for everyone. It’s a time when you need help and information. Most people admit feeling the worst they have ever felt in their life. Grief, where you feel the loss of an important part of your life, may be the reason for this. If you separate, you may experience the following different stages of grief:
Shock and denial that it is really happening
Anger and blaming your former partner or another person
Sadness and depression
moving forward – acceptance and adjustment to your new life (Family Court of Australia)
We have a range of psychologist and consultants that can help with the often difficult and traumatic issues as couples and families separate.
Couple Counselling & Support
Separation & Divorce Support
Managing relationships needs time, deep understanding about patterns and triggers. All of us can use some help strengthening communication, resolving conflict and working through the times times while celebrating the good. From communication breakdowns, cycling in harmful patterns, family of origin patterns being played out, external issues, betrayal and trust, we cna help you find a pathway to your resolution or a new beginning.